


Strange Love: A Series of Hypothetical Scenes

by idrilhadhafang



Series: What’s Your Fantasy — DVD Extras and Whatnot [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A Wild Angst Appears, Accidental Voyeurism, Aftercare, Aftermath of Torture, Anal Sex, BDSM, Bath Sex, Bathing/Washing, Bathtub Sex, Belly Kink, Belly worship, Birthday Sex, Birthday Smut, Blow Jobs, Body Image, Body Worship, Butt Plugs, Caning, Cock Worship, Death of Paige Tico, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Domestic Fluff, Dominant Kylo Ren, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Hair Washing, Hand Jobs, Healing, Humiliation, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is a Mess, Lapdance, Lingerie, Lingerie Kink, M/M, Massages, Naughty Texting In Space, No abuse, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Poe Dameron in Lingerie, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Protective Kylo Ren, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Punishment, Riding, Safe Word Discussion, Safeword Use, Safewords, Soft Kylo Ren, Some non-smutty bits, Spanking, Submissive Poe Dameron, Survivor’s Guilt, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Verbal Humiliation, Wall Sex, Yes Really, guilty Poe Dameron, mild spanking, no chronological order, not Leia friendly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-19 19:20:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17607389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: A series of scenes I doubt will go into the main story, but I wrote them because reasons.





	1. Human

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Got the punishment featured here from this BDSM punishment generator: http://pleasepunish.me/ 
> 
> Title kinda sorta from the Depeche Mode song of the same name. 
> 
> Also, *prays she doesn’t ruin anything*. I hope this isn’t abusive; I don’t want to be like a certain E.L. James who really shouldn’t be mentioned in conjunction with BDSM here. Apologies to Fifty Shades fans.

Poe wouldn’t be doing this if they both hadn’t decided to resolve the matter of Poe’s earlier argument with him. They’d talked it out, but Poe was already still having this fear of somehow losing Ben Solo all over again, which was why he was waiting outside the fresher for Kylo to finish showering. 

Of course, what happened after he got out was where the fun began. Not the process of waiting. 

Even the sight of his lover emerging from the shower in nothing but a towel was enough to excite Poe; he knew full well what was underneath. The moment that Kylo dropped the towel, Poe’s breathing caught in his throat. He truly was beautiful, Poe couldn’t help but think, and he wished that Kylo could accept more of himself. His body was well-toned, well-formed, built like a tank. The only signs of softness were a very small wrinkle on his belly, much to Poe’s delight. 

Kylo didn’t say anything. Just a nod, and Poe got to work. He avoided Kylo’s shaft — magnificent as it was — and his feet (he didn’t want to tickle his lover by accident), and made his way up his powerful legs instead. The texture was a little rough thanks to hair, but even realizing how powerful, long and strong those legs were, Poe couldn’t help but shiver a little. He moved up towards Kylo’s pelvis, towards those reassuring deposits of fat at his hips. Poe couldn’t help but wish he had such a powerful form — he knew that Kylo envied him in turn, wishing he had his beauty, but Kylo had no idea how strong and masculine and kriffing sexy his body was. 

He’d show Kylo how much it was until Kylo believed it. He’d show Kylo how much he loved him too. 

Kylo’s hand stroked his hair. “You’re doing so well,” he murmured. “You’re making me so proud, Poe.”

Poe hummed in pleasure, licking at the softness of Kylo’s hips, before moving onto the softest part (not that it said much) of him: his belly. A small fold of fat there that delighted Poe, because it was reassuring. He wanted to suck on it and bite at it, but he restrained himself. It didn’t stop himself from tracing Kylo’s navel and upper abdominal muscles, though. Even swirling his tongue inside the hole, he swore Kylo actually twitched, like he was laughing. 

Poe looked up at him, questioning. Kylo petted his hair. “A bit ticklish there, love. Not your fault. Keep going. You’re doing beautifully.” 

Poe had to stand up to actually worship Kylo’s pectorals. He didn’t miss the little whimpers and moans of pleasure from Kylo even as Poe licked around his nipples, licking up shower water and teasing the sensitive nubs. Poe ignored the sensations going to his shaft in that moment even as he licked up the droplets. Just being near Kylo, all power, almost all muscle, all his...

He licked the strong shoulder-blades, and the neck, and he doubted he had ever had a case of his mouth and tongue getting tired and feeling hungry at the same time, and the act was already leaving him hard and aching, worshipful, loving. 

Finally, he dropped to his knees. Kylo didn’t say anything, only nodded. 

Poe took the head of Kylo’s shaft in his mouth, tracing over the vein, and Kylo murmured encouragement all the while, even as Poe attended to Kylo’s erection. Poe could feel the trembling in Kylo’s thighs that suggested he was about to release...

“Ready?”

Poe withdrew, nodded. When he returned to his ministrations, Kylo shuddered, moaned, before releasing. Poe swallowed it down, before standing up, wiping his mouth. His own shaft ached desperately.  

“My turn,” Kylo murmured, and dropped to his knees, undoing Poe’s pants. Poe could feel his large, powerful hands squeezing his buttocks and the deposits of fat at his hips, and he groaned aloud. And that was before Kylo swallowed him down. Poe wasn’t large like Kylo; he wasn’t small, but he was more on the long and thin side than anything else. And Kylo’s full, sensual lips around him...he swore he was going to be wrecked by the time the night was over. 

It was his turn to pet Kylo’s hair, to thank him profusely, and when his climax hit him like the slap of a tidal wave, he was all but sobbing. Kylo rose, wiped his mouth...only to look worried the moment he saw Poe’s tears. 

“Did I hurt you?” Kylo said. 

“No, you were wonderful, but...” Poe sighed. “We’ll get into bed and then we’ll talk."

It was in bed, Kylo dressed, BB-8 nestled protectively beside the bed, that they were able to talk properly. “I keep thinking I’ll lose you,” Poe said. “Like we’ll have the fight that splits us down the middle.”

”Dear heart, you won’t lose me. I’ll keep telling you until you believe it.” A pause. “This was my fault. I thought I was keeping you safe. As you would put it, ‘good job.’”

Poe winced remembering what he said at the prison cell. Then, “I was cruel.”

”I was the cruel one. I caused a lot of your injuries. I can’t change the past, but I can try and repair you.”

Poe nodded. "You’re doing what you can."

A beat.

”So,” Kylo said, more playfully, “What is this...fixation you have on my belly?”

”I was mildly fixated.”

”I could feel everything. You loved it. Though...it’s not very tight.” A beat. “Not exactly an eight pack.”

”So?” Poe said. 

A beat. 

Poe sighed. “I just don’t understand — you have this gorgeous, protective, powerful gift of a body, and you fixate on that bit of fat hardly anyone notices.”

A beat. Then, “A good question. I’m thinking it’s a leftover of my previous training, but I don’t know.”

“Kylo...”

”It’s not your fault.”

”Still...”

Silence. 

“It’s actually pretty cute you have...that,” Poe says. “The belly thing.”

Kylo snorted, clearly amused. 

“Well, it reassures me that you’re...human. For lack of a better word. And you’re safe. And it’s just part of you.” Poe nuzzled him. “It’s like you.”

”I’d say the same for you.”

Poe grimaced. “Mine? It’s...unsightly.”

”There’s nothing about any part of your beautiful body that’s unsightly.”

“It’s too doughy and soft and never lies flat."

”It’s a reminder that you’re human.” Kylo smiled as he turned to look at him. “I’m not giving orders, but I’m wondering: if you could stop trying to corset your waist...”

Poe sighed. “Everyone will see it.”

”Forget everyone. You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.” Kylo kissed him. “Maybe tomorrow...tomorrow I could worship that part you hate so much. Convince you not to corset it.”

”Tomorrow then.”

They talked and snuggled until the both of them fell into a deep, peaceful sleep, their bond reaffirmed, for the moment. 


	2. The Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to chapter one: Kylo makes good on his promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Let’s say it got inspired by the fact that Oscar Isaac is — endearingly and inspiringly — a little chubby in the abdominal area. It’s become one of my body headcanons for Poe and I can’t bear to part with it. And so I did a bit with Kylo just digging the heck out of it.

Morning was here, and Kylo was there to deliver on the promise he made Poe the previous night. Poe couldn’t help but be nervous. It wasn’t like Kylo hasn’t seen his body before, but even so...

“Take your shirt off.”

Poe did. Then he looked over at his chrono. Ah, good. Plenty of time before he had to get to the Senate meeting from the Corellian hells. 

“Don’t worry too much about time,” Kylo murmured. “Just look at me.”

Poe nodded. 

Kylo moved first towards just below his nipples, not quite near his hated belly, but close enough. Then he placed kisses downwards from there, moving down the abdominal muscles that were there, licking and nuzzling. Poe couldn’t help but moan; the sensation felt good...and then Kylo moved down towards his lower belly, where all that softness was.

Poe tensed, clenching, trying vainly to suck his stomach in. It was Kylo who kissed it lightly. “Remember why we’re here.”

Poe couldn’t help but whimper at the almost reverent kiss to his belly. “Right.”

He relaxed it. He could feel it practically bulge out, seeming bigger than it really was, and Kylo’s breathing got heavier. Kylo was gentle, peppering it with kisses, before moving on to sucks and licks. Taking bits of Poe’s belly fat into his mouth, and stars...

Poe almost wanted to weep — but it was the good kind of tears. He would have done anything to keep his belly sucked in and bound, but every use of Kylo’s mouth was reassuring and caring. Like this whole layer of pudge was just part of him. He trembled, moaned — the pleasure and tenderness was almost pain and —

“Kylo, I’m going to ruin my pants.”

Kylo discarded them, as well as the confining underwear. Now he could worship the deposits of fat at Poe’s hips. He bit and sucked and licked, and Poe knew he would have bruises and bitemarks on his belly and lovehandles, where only he could see. Stars...

“I’m so close. I can’t bear it, Kylo...”

Kylo smiled. “Come for me, then.”

Poe did, moaning as he did so. Kylo used a cloth to clean him up, before smearing bacta on the places where he bit him. Then, “Feeling better?”

Poe laughed, delighted. “Well, you definitely marked me as yours.”

”Exactly right you’re mine.” Kylo nuzzled him. “Imagine where I would have bitten and worshipped you if you were worried about something besides your belly. Someplace more...visible.”

“Maybe another time.” Poe sighed. He wasn’t averse to Kylo marking him someplace more visible, but maybe another time. “In the meantime...I better find something to wear.”

He dressed, finding something that didn’t corset him this time, but didn’t drown him in fabric either. It was enough to have Kylo look at him in astonishment. “You’re so beautiful. You always are, but...”

”You like it?”

Kylo nodded. 

“I’ll think of you when I wear it. And definitely remember your...persuasion technique.”

”Good.” Silence. “You should eat.”

”I know.” Poe’s stomach growled on cue as Poe spoke. “Kriff, I’m starving.”

They ate, and shared some time recuperating before Poe had to leave, kissing Kylo softly. “I better get to work,” he said. “The others will be wondering where I’ve been. And why I’m wearing this.”

”You could say you got sick of hiding a part of your body you had no reason to be embarrassed about.”

”And that my lover convinced me otherwise. With wonderful sex.”

”Well, you don’t have to tell them everything. Just the first part.”

”I wish I could tell everyone how wonderful you are.”

Kylo smiled faintly. “I’m just working to earn it. Now go. I’ll be back from the Temple by the evening.”

”I know.” Poe kissed him again before heading to his speeder. Evening...they’d definitely have time to have fun there. 


	3. Evacuation Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe isn’t coping well with the anniversary of the evacuation of D’Qar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: More fun with this generator: http://pleasepunish.me/. I kind of tweaked it a bit, though.

The fact it was the evacuation of D’Qar anniversary hadn’t helped. Poe had been more on edge than usual, which had culminated in an argument with Kylo that, at the moment, he was condemning himself for. 

“Kriff,” he murmured. “Kriff kriff kriff kriff.” Kylo had assured him that he wouldn’t lose him, but even so, Poe couldn’t help but feel immensely absurd, almost like —

A knock on the door. “Poe.” Kylo’s voice. “May I come in?”

”Yeah.”

The door opened, and Kylo walked inside, sat down next to Poe. A hand on the shoulder, and Poe found his hands falling from his hair where they had been tangled, his muscles relaxing where he didn’t realize they’d been tense. 

“I’m sorry,” Poe finally said. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. What happened today wasn’t your fault.”

”That’s good to hear.”

Silence. 

“If there’s anything I can do to make up for it...” Already, Poe was thinking of so many ideas. Including being spanked. He deserved it, for Paige, for everyone who’d died, for —

“You need forgiveness, not punishment,” Kylo said. “Let me give you a chance for that.” A beat. “For tonight, if you think it will help, you’ll wash me. Show me how much you care.”

Poe nodded. “Let me touch you,” he said. “Let me wash you. Please.”

Kylo nodded. 

Poe drew the bath first, before Kylo entered, discarding his robes and entering the bath.  

Even watching Kylo sink into the water, it was more than worth it to hear the contented sigh that escaped the former Knight of Ren. Kylo actually moaned, before murmuring, “Well, What are you waiting for? Use those perfect pilot’s hands on me, Poe. Rub me down.”

Gently, Poe did. Even circling nipples and pecs, rubbing shampoo into hair, and listening to Kylo moan in pleasure...Poe knew that he was at least doing something right. He rubbed gently, worshipped, and judging from Kylo’s murmurs and soft moans, he was perfectly pleasing the former Knight, doing it perfectly right. 

“You’re so good,” Kylo murmured. “You’re doing so well. You’re so good with your hands, love.”

Poe hummed softly. Even that bit of praise...even that bit was enough to make him all but bask in it a bit. 

He stroked between Kylo’s powerful legs afterwards, keeping his eyes on that aroused, beautiful face even as Kylo shuddered and murmured for more. Now that Poe thought about it, Kylo was a very vocal Dom. If he liked something, he made sure to tell you. Kylo’s head leaned back against the bathroom wall even as Poe used his hands to pleasure him, until with a gasp and a shudder, Kylo erupted into the bathwater, into Poe’s hand. 

Kylo lay back, gasping, before he said, “We should really clean up. You should too. You did so very well, Poe."

Poe nodded, gently. 

He showered quickly before they both dressed for bed, putting on a holo as they climbed in. One of Poe’s old favorites, about pilots and X-wings. 

“How do you feel?” Kylo said. 

Poe sighed. “Forgiven, at least. Thank you, Kylo.”

”I’ll do whatever I can to heal you. I broke you; I might as well put you back together.”

”Kylo...about what you said earlier...you were right.” Poe sighed. “Your mother actually blamed me for Paige’s death. ‘Dead heroes,’ she said about the people who died that day. ‘No leaders.’”

”How cruel,” Kylo said. 

Poe’s smile was bitter. “Yeah, well...it was my fault. If I’d obeyed orders — and Holdo made sure to rub it in my face as well, that it was my fault the bombing fleet got wiped out.”

”It wasn’t.” Kylo said. “Those people had a choice, and they gave their lives. You didn’t order them to their deaths; as far as I can tell, it was their choice to sacrifice themselves. Because they believed in something.” A beat. “You weren’t the one who killed his own father. There’s a galaxy of difference between you and me.”

”Don’t say that — ”

”I’m going to keep telling you you’re a good person. And I won’t get tired of it.”

Poe nuzzled into him. “So the rest...”

”Maybe when you’ve recovered,” Kylo said. “I don’t want to overwhelm you.”

They lay there, snuggled together, and Poe knew that for the moment he’d found some degree of safety in the former Knight of Ren. 


	4. Silk and Lace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kylo fulfills a fantasy that Poe had at a gala.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Another one from pleasepunish.me (though it’s not really a punishment). It’s really just an excuse to write Poe in lingerie. Special thanks to MidgardianNerd for her help!

Of course as Chancellor, Poe had an obligation to attend galas and things of that nature. That being said, it didn’t mean that he necessarily had to like all of them. There was something, of course, about the pretensions and pretending and things of that nature that really were irritating. Not exactly Poe’s cup of caffa, though unfortunately he still had to deal with them. Such was being a politician, really.

Today’s gala was a little unconventional, really. Case in point, the fact that one of the guests — a male Senator — was wearing...rather kinky get-up while being led around by a woman that Poe could only assume was a mistress of some sort, and no one batted an eyelash. 

Poe couldn’t help but stare. The man in question just seemed so confident, so certain of himself, even as he all but stood there in his very feminine-looking lingerie — white lace that covered his pecs and crotch. Even trying to keep his typical Chancellor’s face, Poe couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like being so...liberated. What exactly the lace and silk would feel like against his skin. 

The man must have noticed that he was staring, because he honestly winked at Poe. Poe couldn’t return it — he was already spoken for, obviously — but he could imagine how Kylo would like it. How he would like it, for that matter. 

More than that, how would it feel? The lace and silk against his skin, his stomach bare. Maybe he’d wear it under his clothing. Maybe he’d strut around in nothing but lace and silk lingerie. Wear it for Kylo, and stars, the look on Kylo’s face. 

 Either way, Poe was excited for it. 

***

It was when Kylo asked him how the party went that Poe told him about the Senator in lingerie. 

 “Honestly, he’s not my type. I just admired him a little. Just the sheer confidence he had. And I was thinking...” Poe’s voice dropped to a purr. “You wouldn’t mind seeing me in that, would you? All that lace...”

Kylo’s eyes closed, and he let out a breath that sounded like a moan. “You know me too well.”

“It could be a challenge, too,” Poe said. “How long I go without becoming turned on by lingerie.”

”Oh?” Kylo said. “So you want me to...”

“I wouldn’t mind if you punished me,” Poe said. Honestly, Kylo never punished him in anger or spite. It was always for their own mutual help — and in some cases, their own mutual arousal. Whether it was spanking or an instance where they tried chastity play, it was never really done out of pure spite. 

“You think you deserve it?” 

Poe laughed. “Well, I can imagine that I’ve been very bad.”

”Explain to me.”

”Well, I nearly got you jealous. And if I did...misbehave when I wore the lingerie, you could punish me. Anything we both want. I heard there’s even...creams for that.”

Kylo seemed to be thinking about that. Then, “I see. I’ll have to think about it.” He kissed Poe. “You must be tense, my love. I’ll have to get the tension out of your back...”

Poe sighed contentedly. “Please...”

And feeling his dom’s long fingers kneading his back, Poe could not complain. 

***

It was two days later that Poe’s fantasy was enacted. 

Poe could understand. Kylo had to get everything together, naturally. And it gave him more time to fantasize. Things like what kind of lingerie it would be. And other things. Other things that weren’t just erotic lingerie...

 Kylo had to leave the morning the plan was hatched, of course, but it was on the kitchen island that there was a pair of lacy white lingerie and a note from Kylo on a sheet of flimsiplast. 

_Poe,_

_I want you to wear these today. Underneath your Chancellor’s robes, naturally — I prefer you not get in trouble outside the bedroom. I trust you be good for me today, and not touch yourself...at least not yet. We’ll see how long you last._

_All my love,_

_Kylo_

With his heart thudding in excitement, Poe slipped past BB-8, who beeped inquisitively at seeing his master holding a pair of lacy lingerie. Poe sighed; he’d have to explain to BB-8 all about this sort of stuff, but for now...

He reached his room, closed the door, and undressed. He slipped the lingerie on first, and stars, having a bra-like top over his pecs and lacy underwear containing his cock, not to mention his bare, soft stomach poking out a little near his lacy panties...

Poe moaned. He was aware that he was hardening and wet, and he wanted desperately to touch himself, whether it was through his slightly damp panties or on his shaft directly, but one, Kylo had challenged him to be good, and two, he needed to get to work. He slipped on his silken Chancellor’s robes, and tried to picture something unerotic — like how to milk a thala siren, a really dry piece of paperwork, anything. Anything to distract from how turned on he was. 

He still made it to his personal speeder after saying goodbye to BB-8, suppressing a groan as he got inside and sat down. He didn’t know that wearing lingerie could turn him on so much. He could only assume he found a new kink. 

***

Poe managed to keep a sabaac face as best he could. Saying hello to his colleagues, to the special security team that seemed to come with being Chancellor of the New Republic. But stars, even knowing that he was wearing that overwhelmingly sexy lingerie that Kylo had picked out for him underneath almost made him feel possessed, as owned as the man he’d seen at the party. He gave speeches, participated in Senate debates, and not for the first time, he felt frustration mingling with arousal. He was grateful that his chair in the Senate was already hiding the fact that his erection was starting up. If his opponents saw his erection...well, they’d probably be wondering what was so arousing about the Senators being, as usual, morons. 

Nothing related to that. He felt so naked underneath his Chancellor’s robes — so owned, so sexy. So self-conscious and yet so confident. He was in charge on the Senate floor, but in the bedroom, he was Kylo’s beloved. 

Poe was almost relieved when he could go back to his private office in order to eat lunch. Unfortunately, that meant going through paperwork. 

It was in the midst of his head starting to hurt from looking through so much tedious paperwork (there was, simply, nothing arousing about politics) that his datapad buzzed. A message from Kylo. //How goes our challenge?//

Poe smiled. //I haven’t touched myself once. Though it is tempting.//

//You feel like misbehaving?//

It was like Kylo could read his mind even over long distances. Poe tried to focus on the next bout of paperwork, but all he could think about was Kylo surprising him at work and kriffing him until he was sore and satisfied. Taking him from behind, maybe, grabbing those stanging perfect deposits of fat at his hips as he thrust into Poe again and again, making Poe scream with pleasure. Sucking his poor, aching, neglected cock.  

//Tell me how you would misbehave.//

 //I’d find the nearest fresher, and I’d kriff my fingers imagining you were inside me. We wouldn’t take the lingerie off.// Poe suppressed a groan. //I wish you could see how hard and wet you’re making me right now.//

//Oh, I can read it. Don’t worry, my dear Chancellor. We’ll be meeting each other very soon.// 

***

 Getting home was a relief. Even as Poe and Kylo hugged tightly, Poe found that Kylo himself had also been holding himself back incredibly — he was just as hard. “I saw you on the Holonet,” Kylo said. “You have no idea how sexy you really were.”

”Was I?”

”I knew how much you loved wearing it. You did well, holding up against your opponents, and you should be rewarded. And knowing you were wearing the lingerie I brought you...”

”Tell me more.”

 Kylo’s voice was at his ear, musical and beautiful and so, damnably, sexy. “Did you get hard being in those undergarments, knowing you were mine underneath?”

”Oh...oh, yes.” Even just remembering it was enough to get Poe hard all over again. He hurt and ached, and he wanted so badly to find release. 

Kylo’s smile was practically mischievous. “I have to give you credit. You were disciplined. You controlled yourself.” He stroked along Poe’s cheek, and Poe shivered. “You were good. Unless you want more punishment?”

”Please.” Poe practically moaned the word. 

“Take off everything but the bra you’re wearing.”

Poe did so. His erection was aching. Kylo, meanwhile, eyed him with such appreciation and desire that Poe felt treasured, adored. Revered like a god. Even knowing he had that much power over Kylo was overwhelming. 

“Lie on your stomach on the bed, and don’t. Grind.” Kylo’s voice was quietly authoritative. 

Poe did. He moaned at the feeling of his shaft all but being trapped between his belly and the bed. 

Kylo gently stroked his lower back. Then, “It’s a pity I can’t see your beautiful face.” A beat. “Spread yourself wide.”

Poe did. He felt so exposed, so empty, and he wondered if Kylo was going to finger him. Instead, he heard Kylo’s voice behind him. “What I’m going to use is a special sort of cream. Mostly used in...activities like this. This is going to tingle. Do you want this?” 

“Please.”

It was a small amount, naturally, smearing around the outside of Poe’s hole. Kylo took care not to get it inside. Poe was grateful, of course. Then the tingling sensations went straight to his shaft as well as the outside of his hole, and Poe moaned. The hardness of his shaft was becoming almost unbearable. He had to resist the urge to grind, and a light swat on his right cheek was a good corrector.

And yet he needed more. “I need to turn over.”

Kylo let him. ”Are you all right?” 

“Yes. Put it on my nipples. And my cock.” Poe looked up at him. “It feels good.”

He swore Kylo was breathing more heavily before applying the lotion to Poe’s nipples and erection. It was borderline painful considering how engorged and aroused those parts were, but stars, it also felt good. 

“You’ve been so good,” Kylo purred, almost like a contented rancor. “You’ve taken your punishment so well. I think it’s time I rewarded you, Chancellor Dameron. Your...praise, if you will.”

He positioned a pillow below Poe’s hips. “Raise your legs.”

Even as Kylo slicked his cock with lube, positioned it at his entrance, he said, “Is this rewarding enough for you, Chancellor?”

”Please.”

Kylo filled him up, stroking in time with his thrusts, and Poe’s oversensitive, erect cock was aching with pleasure. Kylo thrust and stroked, and Poe moaned his name, moaning and whimpering up until he hit his climax with a howl of bliss. 

Kylo followed, releasing deep into Poe, and they collapsed together, Poe sore but so satisfied and happy, moaning in contentment. “Why...why, yes, Kylo, I would wear lingerie again.”

”I would be happy to see you do it. Though...I think you ruined your underwear.”

Kylo carefully undid the top part of Poe’s lingerie before kissing him. It was more affectionate, more tender this time. “I trust I didn’t hurt you?”

”No, it was good.” Poe said. “Really. I loved it. I mean...the ‘real’ punishments help, but stuff like that...”

”It feels good. I do love making you feel good. It’s the least I can do.”

They talked and cuddled until they fell asleep, and Poe knew he couldn’t wait to do it again.


	5. I Wanna Break You Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Poe’s suffering from guilt on Crait’s anniversary, and Kylo tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: I have mixed feelings about writing this after the lingerie chapter, but I had this scene stuck in my head for a while. Title from Stabbing Westward’s “Everything I Touch”.
> 
> Special thanks to MidgardianNerd for her assistance!

_Crait._

Poe supposed that he should have known why he felt so terrible waking up that day, but it was the sort that he couldn’t put his finger on, at least until he looked at the calendar. Today was the anniversary of the Battle of Crait, and Poe could remember all too well everyone who had been hunted relentlessly by Hux and his men. Everyone who’d been sold out to the First Order by that one codebreaker that Rose and Finn had been unlucky to find.

And all this, all of it was his fault. If he’d listened to Holdo, trusted her, then the Resistance fleet wouldn’t have been whittled down to small-enough-to-fit-in-the-stanging-Falcon.

And Finn and Rose...they had been sent on a wild bantha chase to Cantobight, and then the Supremacy, a mission that resulted in them nearly being killed. All because Poe had had an uneasy gut feeling about Holdo — and the fact she had been so condescending towards him hadn’t helped matters. The fact that she seemed to tell them all nothing hadn’t helped. But she had sacrificed herself, she’d had a plan, and all Poe had was just fumbling in the dark.

Holdo had apparently been a better hero than him. According to General Organa, at least. There was nothing about this whole situation that didn’t somehow tie back to it being Poe’s fault. 

He couldn’t afford to lie there almost paralyzed. He forced himself awake in that moment, looked at the empty space where Kylo usually slept. Kylo must be up, he thought. He was likely meditating, or trying to.

He headed towards downstairs in that moment, and it was there that he found Kylo. Kylo, who was sitting alone, clearly trying to compose himself.

“Anniversary?” Poe said, gently.

Kylo nodded. 

“Same here.”

They sat together. Kylo spoke after a while. “I ordered the deaths of so many people,” he said. “Too many.”

”Why?” 

“It was like after I killed Snoke, there was nothing but anger in me.” Kylo sighed. “I couldn’t stop.”

Poe nodded. 

Kylo continued. “You don’t know how much you’ve saved me, Poe. I was so angry before you. I’ve been trying to heal you, but in a way, I think you’ve been healing me as well.”

Poe could only hope. They had all been through so much. All of them. To think they’d come all this way...

It softened the guilt he was feeling earlier, and the pain. 

***

 It was later in the day, when Poe was mostly trying to get through it, that he saw the article. 

**_How The Resistance Failed To Hold Chancellor Dameron Accountable_ **

_Ronald Lord_

_———-_

_It’s the anniversary of the Battle of Crait and it would be easy to suggest that Chancellor Dameron did no wrong. After all, some would argue, he’s done so much for the New Republic, has he not? Except that even Chancellor Dameron has done his share of evils; one could say that he did more damage to the Resistance than the First Order did._

_It started, naturally, with the evacuation of D’Qar. According to anonymous sources in the Resistance, Chancellor Dameron knowingly disobeyed an order from then-General Organa in order to recklessly take out a First Order dreadnaught. The decision cost multiple lives, including Resistance bomber Paige Tico, sister to Rose Tico. In addition, after his subsequent demotion from Commander to Captain, he consciously went behind the back of the late Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo in order to send his friends on a doomed mission to the planet of Cantobight. Even Kylo Ren himself, notorious war criminal, hardly caused so much damage to the Resistance..._

 No. It couldn’t be. No, he couldn’t. Poe wasn’t that much of a monster. Even as the article continued, though, it was like in the eyes of that writer, he was. 

He tried to keep his temper in check, naturally. He gave interviews, talking about the various victims, the heroes of the evacuation of D’Qar, things like that. It didn’t eliminate the dark pit of shame in his heart, a pit that seemed almost bottomless, and swirling with so many negative emotions that it hurt. It could, though, give him the illusion he was in control, at least until he got home.

***

By the time Poe got home, he was already angry, and trying to regain his breath. Even trying to think about something calming, like the meadows on Yavin IV, was enough to not work. This Lord guy...he had no idea what Poe had tried to do, and why he had done it, and how he was trying to make up for it. He all but stormed inside...only to run into Kylo.

Kylo didn’t even bat an eyelash. “I thought we were going to cut down on those little episodes?”

Poe snorted. “Easy for you to say. It’s not like — ” He cut himself off abruptly. He was wrong, of course. Kylo did have issues with his temper like Poe did. In many ways, they were very much alike.

”Not like what?”

”Not like you get torn apart by some nobody who wasn’t even at Crait.”

Kylo was silent for a while. Then, “I read it. I don’t agree with it — quite strongly, actually.”

“But it was my fault.”

”Poe — ”

Poe swallowed. Even having to ask for this, beg for this, was enough to make him feel like he was stepping into a realm that could very well be made of sharp objects. “Please,” he said. “Spank me, humiliate me, punish me. I can take it.”

Kylo looked at him. “Humiliate you?”

”Please. Dear stars, Kylo. I deserve it.”

Kylo stroked his hair gently. “You don’t. I’ll only do it because you need it, and that’s it.” A beat. “And the safeword...”

They always had it. Such a small word, making Kylo remember how much power he had and how wisely he had to use it. Such a small word, making Poe remember he was no longer on the Finalizer, that he was safe. 

Poe nodded. “Yeah. I know.” _Meadow_. Such an unusual, almost peaceful safeword, but it was enough to keep them in check. 

 “Any time I go too far, tell me and I’ll stop.”

”I will.”

”Lie over my knee.”

Poe did. Kylo caressed his hair first, then his upper back, then his lower back and buttocks. 

“How many people were lost in the evacuation?”

”Twelve Resistance fighters and...so damn many First Order members.”

”I see,” Kylo said. “I think...twelve swats should do it, shouldn’t it? Just to start with?”

Gently, Poe nodded. 

Kylo’s hand was gentle on his buttocks, on the round curves, even as he stroked soothingly. ”Count them,” Kylo said, and for a moment, Poe could swear that the old Supreme Leader was coming out to play. “And while you’re on the subject, tell me why.”

Poe spoke in between swats and strokes. “One. Because those dreadnaughts could take out a whole fleet. Two. Because I wanted to. Stars, I wanted to have the glory of taking out a dreadnaught. Three. Because I hated all of them — I hated what Hux did and wanted to humiliate him. Four...”

Kylo paused. “Do you want me to stop?”

”No, keep going. I can take it. Four...I hated you! Before I knew you were Ben Solo, I wanted you to pay. Whether or not it was rotting in a prison cell. I wanted the whole First Order to hurt. Five. I wanted to get revenge for Ben Solo.”

”Interesting,” Kylo murmured. “You know I never hated you, don’t you?”

”I know. Six. You have a plan, you follow it through. You don’t just give up. Seven. We never got another opportunity to blow up a dreadnaught.”

”I see. Count the rest.”

”Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve.” Poe was practically hard and on the verge of tears by the time he was done. 

“There,” Kylo said. “Was that sufficient, Chancellor?”

”What about Holdo, and Finn, and Rose?” Poe said, finally. “And Crait...”

“You require more punishment?” Kylo looked, almost pointedly, at Poe. 

“I deserve it.”

 “You require it. A whole galaxy of difference.” Kylo lovingly stroked his hair. “Holdo was also in the wrong. She kept secrets when she shouldn’t have. She was condescending towards you for wanting to know the truth.”

”I...didn’t trust her...”

”And that’s the problem. She didn’t earn your trust.” A beat. “And you weren’t the one who ended up getting Resistance members shot down out of their escape pods. That codebreaker did.”

Poe swallowed. “Twenty more. I’ll count.”

”All right.” Kylo stroked and swatted in equal measure, and Poe counted out each one. All the way up to twenty, until he ached. 

“You did so well,” Kylo murmured. “And I think you’ve been punished enough. Let me make you feel good.” 

“Please.” Poe said.

“Stand up, strip and face the wall.”

Poe did. He heard the squirt of lube, no doubt in Kylo’s hands before Kylo prepared himself and Poe, and stars, the teasing was too much. Poe wanted Kylo’s shaft inside him, and when he did feel it in him...stars, but he was so full. Kylo’s hands on his belly and hips didn’t help matters. Kylo stroked him in time with each thrust, slow and tender and deliberate, his voice at Poe’s ear. “Good soldier. Such a good soldier. Such a loving, beautiful, gentle man who deserves so much more than this.”

Poe almost wanted to weep with the praise.

”Good soldier.” 

“Don’t stop.” Even as Kylo thrust into him, Poe could feel the warmth and pleasurable tightness in his belly. Kylo moved in, out, almost soothingly — so gently that Poe wanted to weep. He didn’t deserve this sweetness and gentleness. Sometimes Kylo massaged his deposits of fat at his hips, the soft bits at his belly, and that only made things more agonizing than if Kylo was just using his body. He ground back, only for Kylo to pepper kisses to his shoulder blade. “Relax, sweetheart. This is for you, and you alone.”

The tenderness, the caressing of his cock, was just too much. Poe erupted into Kylo’s hand with a cry. After a while, Kylo came as well, filling Poe with his seed. 

Poe leaned against the wall long after the effects of his climax subsided, Kylo slipping out of him just to hold him close. 

“How do you feel?” Kylo finally said, and Poe knew that it was Kylo with him, not as his Dom, but as his equal, as the man who simply couldn’t stop loving him. 

“I...kriff.” Poe’s voice cracked and tears that he was afraid would keep coming practically streamed out in that moment. “D-don’t leave me.” He sounded the sort of vulnerable he didn’t expect to sound after a session. 

“I won’t.” A kiss to his head. “I love you. I still need you. I still want you.”

The tears spilled out and didn’t stop. What had started out as a numb, black hole of guilt had become another black hole of anger and shame, and now...now at least Poe was feeling everything. Like all that darkness had burst into light, almost blinding, painful, sharp light. 

Poe supposed that was better than a pit. 

***

It was in the fresher that they bathed together, and the cool water against Poe’s sore skin was soothing. He looked over at his bathing partner, who beckoned over towards him where Poe could rest his head against Kylo’s chest. He moved forward, and Poe nestled against Kylo, sighing contentedly. The tears were drying, at least. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Kylo murmured. “Too beautiful for your own good.”

 Poe sighed again even as Kylo stroked his hair.

”How do you feel?” Kylo said. 

“At least I’m feeling.” Poe sighed even as he spoke. “I guess you could say that I had a rough day.”

”It’s over, beautiful. It’s over.” Kylo stroked his hair some more, probably just for the sake of it, and Poe leaned in, purring at the touches. “If you ever have moments of guilt like that, come talk to me. I’m not perfect, but I can try and help.” A beat. “And I don’t care about ‘do or do not’, frankly.”

Poe laughed despite himself. Kylo kissed his hair. 

“You’re still a bit sore, no doubt,” Kylo said. “Just lie back...and I’ll help you feel better.”

Kylo was good as his word, putting bacta and cool water on the places where Poe had been spanked, where claiming marks had shown up on Poe’s sides. It wasn’t going to be easy, Poe knew this, but he could go to Kylo when he needed it. Stars willing. 

 


	6. Recharging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe recuperates from a Senate meeting, with Kylo’s help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: For MidgardianNerd, who was having a rough time earlier. Sorry it took so long.

“The Senate hasn’t adjourned,” Poe said, even as he sat in a chair ready for Kylo to wait on him. “They’re mostly recharging for the next time they get on my nerves.”

Kylo chuckled before his fingers moved towards Poe’s small back and began massaging. Poe leaned into the touches, practically whimpering as Kylo hit a particularly painful knot that loosened under his touch. 

“How did it go?” Kylo said. 

Poe sighed. “Some interplanetary incident this time around. I swear all the Senators do is bicker. If it wasn’t for the fact I had to step in...”

He trailed off. Did he really mean what he was saying, actually? Kylo let up his massage, briefly, before saying, “Poe, you really want to step down?”

”I still have stuff to do. Besides...it won’t be forever. I was thinking Finn could do it after me. If he’s up for it.”

Another chuckle from Kylo. He and Finn were definitely getting along better nowadays; Kylo had even sat down and talked with him about the time he’d all but nearly slashed Finn’s back open and apologized for it. A small step that led to much bigger steps in terms of their relationship (though Finn had promised a lightsaber rematch if Kylo hurt Poe in any way. Poe wondered how much Finn could infer about what went on in the bedroom...or Rey for that matter). Kylo was definitely undergoing some development too, even if he didn’t realize it. 

“Finn would do a good job. If he has the patience.” Kylo said. He resumed his massage, caressing the tight points until Poe was loose and relaxed in the chair. 

They got dressed for bed, before settling in, and Poe nuzzled up to Kylo. “I feel better. Thank you.” 

“Anything,” Kylo said. “I may be your Dom, but in my heart, I am your willing and eager slave.”

Poe rested his head against his chest and smiled. “You don’t have to go that far."

”It’s the truth. Really. I’m here to serve you, not the other way around.” A beat. “And this is no exception. Now get some sleep, Poe. You’ll need it.”

Poe did, and sleep came easily here, resting against Kylo’s chest in this bed.


	7. Watch Him Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Poe gives Kylo a lapdance because reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Half-writing this to feel better, half-writing this because writer’s block. Special thanks to MidgardianNerd for her ideas!
> 
> Also, *prays this isn’t too objectifying*.

 They were both another year older. Kylo was thirty-one, Poe thirty-four. Poe could sense how they were both getting older, from the streaks of gray in Poe’s hair (subtle but there) to much more. Time wasn’t slowing down for them. Kylo, for starters, was more than a bit self-conscious about turning thirty-one, Poe was already feeling the weight of being thirty-four. They weren’t old by a long shot, and yet...

”What if I did something for you?” Poe said. 

Kylo nodded. “Something...related to our dynamic?”

”Yeah. One of your fantasies, actually.”

”Which one?”

Poe paused. “Well,” he said, “Which one do you want?”

”Well, seeing you dance, to begin with.” Kylo said. “You move so gracefully when you do; it’s like every part of your body’s connected. It’s beautiful to watch.”

Poe could imagine it now. What would it be like, giving Kylo a lapdance? Getting in his lap, feeling his powerful thighs —

“I would be open to it,” Kylo said. 

Poe nodded. He did wish, though, that he could actually keep surprises from Kylo. 

***

Even standing before Kylo, who sat in the chair almost like an emperor on his throne, Poe couldn’t help but feel more than a bit nervous. He had done dancing before, but never erotic dancing, never something so...intimate on the dancing front. Even if it was just for another partner. Even if it was just for Kylo. 

 The music started, and Poe wiggled his hips a bit, almost experimentally. Kylo watched, clearly enthralled by the way Poe moved. 

“Dance for me,” Kylo murmured. “I want to see you move for me.”

Poe did. He thought of the music all but flowing through him, and he found that it was easier. He sashayed, shook his hips, swayed, and moved, being sure to watch Kylo closely. 

Kylo’s eyes were dilated, his breathing starting to quicken — it didn’t take a telepath to know that he was already getting aroused just looking at Poe. “You’re so beautiful like this,” he murmured. 

“Anything,” Poe said. 

“Keep dancing.” Kylo said, and Poe knew it was more of a suggestion than anything else. A suggestion with a hint of a command. 

Poe did. He moved over towards Kylo — swaying his hips. Kylo had called him shapely, which Poe always assumed was a term for women, but right now, he just felt so sensual, so sexy, that he didn’t really care if the word “shapely” applied or not. 

Kylo’s breathing was all but shallow, and he actually moaned even as Poe straddled him. Poe moved his hips in circles, applying friction to Kylo’s groin, meeting his eyes. 

In Kylo’s eyes was honest to stars worship, like Poe was the most beautiful man in the galaxy. Poe found he could get used to it, this adoration and lust. Even as he used his leg to tease Kylo a bit, followed his commands as to how to move...

At Kylo’s request, Poe turned around and ground down on Kylo’s lap, again and again, reveling in Kylo’s moans and cries, at least until —

“Poe.” Kylo’s voice was ragged. “You need to stop.”

Poe got up, faced Kylo. “Are you all right?”

“I like these pants,” Kylo said, and it was clear he was trying to keep his voice steady. “I need you to undo them before I ruin them.”

“No problem.”

Poe undid Kylo’s pants, freeing his monster of an erection — there was something in him that couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride knowing he had done this. That he had gotten Kylo this aroused, all by doing a lapdance for him. 

“Stars, you’re beautiful.” Poe murmured. 

He could all but see Kylo basking in the praise. Poe was all but glad, really — after all, Kylo seemed to have such a negative view of his appearance and body. It was quite sad, actually; Kylo was so beautiful, and he seemed to be unable to see anything but his flaws. Kylo hardly acknowledged them; whether he wasn’t sure if that made him a good Dom or not, Poe didn’t know. 

“You’ve been so good,” Kylo murmured. “Now...I think it’s time you got your pleasure.”

It was a good thing that Poe had been wearing the plug to prepare himself for Kylo. The first time they’d tried anal, Poe had been so tight even with lube that Kylo had stopped, and they’d decided to prepare Poe beforehand in order to take Kylo’s rather generous size. Poe couldn’t say he minded the plug; it gave him the feeling of something being inside, and it was necessary. Poe didn’t always have to go that far, but right now, he had a feeling that this was one of those occasions where he has to prepare himself. 

He took out the plug before straddling Kylo again. “You’re huge,” Poe murmured. “I can’t wait to feel you in me.”

”Don’t wait.”

Kylo slicked his shaft with lube before Poe sank onto it. It hit just the right spot, and Poe cried out, closing his eyes in bliss. Kylo’s voice ordered him to bring himself to climax, to touch himself, and Poe obliged. Everything felt so good, and he impaled himself on Kylo’s shaft again and again until he was climaxing, clenching around Kylo’s shaft and having his legs shake almost violently and crying out Kylo’s name. 

Kylo followed quite a while later, hissing in pleasure. Even as Poe collapsed against Kylo, he felt the former Knight’s cock slip out of him, and the Knight carry him towards the bed even as the music reached its close. 

“Beautiful,” Kylo murmured. “You did so well, Poe.” A beat. “I will say, such a beautiful man so close to me...it’s hard to resist you.”

Poe purred at the praise. “I could say the same about...dancing for such a beautiful man...”

Kylo lay beside him, drawing him into the crook of his arm. It was something that Poe couldn’t say he minded at all, in fact loved. It made him feel oddly safe, protected. 

“I think we ought to relax,” Kylo said. “What are you up for?”

Poe hummed. “A holo would work.”

And even listening to the sounds of the holo after Kylo turned on the Holonet (they were both too sated and lazy to get up), Poe knew that he would do what he could for Kylo. Including this. 


	8. Worthless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo finds out what his mother did to Poe, and tries to fix it in his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: So this is a bit tricky. Humiliation is edgeplay for a reason. *Prays she got it right* So warning for consensual physical and verbal humiliation, and past nonconsensual humiliation by third parties (Leia for Poe, Snoke for Kylo).
> 
> Special thanks to MidgardianNerd for her ideas!

Rey was the one who confronted him, if gently. “I mostly felt it,” she said. “Over our bond. Mostly sensations.” 

 Kylo cursed internally. He had almost forgotten about the Force Bond. Rey hadn’t seen anything; he would have felt it if she had seen anything. “How much did you feel?”

”Various things. Some involving pain.” A beat. “I know what relationships like this are, Kylo; I’m not naive. I remember on Jakku, we actually had professional Doms, among other things. But...I don’t think it’s healthy for you and Poe. And considering what Leia and others did to him...” Rey sighed. “I’m not saying she’s a bad person, but — ”

“What did she do to him?” Kylo already felt sick. 

Rey nodded. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, Ben, and Poe won’t be happy if I told you, but the General...well, she told him off after the battle of D’Qar. And not just that...she hit and humiliated him. I mostly overheard it when Jess was talking with Poe. I shouldn’t even be telling you this. I’m just worried that — ”

”You think I’m abusing Poe?” Kylo said. At the same time, the red behind his eyes was boiling over.  _She hurt my lover, my_ treasure...

Rey sighed. “I don’t know,” she said. “I mean, I don’t think that this is a...balanced relationship. Granted, I’ve sensed nothing from Poe that would make me think that you were abusing him, and believe me, if you were, we would be having a lightsaber duel right now.”

”I would never abuse him.” Kylo said earnestly. “Never never.” Stars, even the thought was horrifying. And the fact his mother had hurt Poe... “Was this the only time she did this to him?” 

Rey looked positively sorrowful. “She...had problems during the war. And I don’t think her dynamic with Poe was healthy.”

Kylo could have smashed up the nearest console if he wasn’t currently working on his anger. 

“Thank you, Rey,” he said. “For telling me.”

Stars, but how much damage did others do to Poe, including Kylo himself? Was it going to be constantly discovering new wounds, new sources of pain? New sources of embarrassment and nonconsensual humiliation? Kylo knew already that the both of them were messes, that really, this relationship was equal in terms of both of them being broken...but it seemed that it was all but endless. An endless cornucopia of anguish. 

He hated his mother for it. 

Good boys didn’t hate their mothers. That was just an unspoken rule. But after what she had done to Poe, who had suffered at his hands...what had his father seen in that narcissistic, abusive creature? Or had she turned into that after his father —

It seemed that that was another thing Kylo was to blame for, if indirectly. Another thing to atone for. He hated his mother — but not as deeply as he hated himself. 

Kylo forced a breath in. The best he could do was talk to Poe about it. See what he needed. Whatever he needed, Kylo would gladly provide.

***

 It was bringing it up with Poe that Poe confirmed it. 

“I’m sure Rey’s heart was in the right place, but...stars, if I wanted you to know how I’d failed, I’d have told you.” Poe looked away as he spoke. It was like he was wishing that eye contact restrictions were a part of their relationship. 

“Poe, look at me,” Kylo said. 

Poe did. Kylo could tell that Poe was in one of those pits again. One of those pits that seemed without a bottom, without an end. All Kylo had to do was throw down the rope. 

“This was not your fault,” Kylo said. “No matter what the offense, you deserved to be treated with respect when you were being demoted. And frankly, the fact she gave Skywalker a reward for blowing up the Death Star and demoted you for destroying a Dreadnaught is an enormous double standard.”

”Luke didn’t get his teammates killed.”

”I don’t know what galaxy my mother’s living in, but typically people don’t make daisy chains and talk about feelings when in war. People die during war. She should know. She’s a _General_.” Kylo sighed. “Then again, she wasn’t often out on the front lines. She was often watching from a distance as others died. There’s no way she knew what any of her soldiers were going through — or the sacrifices they made.”

”Yes, but...” Poe sighed. “I just...please, Kylo. I need to be punished. Humiliated. I can take it.”

”Tomorrow, this evening. For now...come here.”

Poe did. Kylo laid near him, the big spoon, an arm around him, promising to protect him no matter what.

***

It was the next day he confronted Leia, when he could. 

“Why are you here?” Leia said. She was still distrustful of him. Of course. Just because he was trying to atone for what he did didn’t make any difference to her, really. 

“Because Rey told me,” Kylo said coldly. “Told me what you did to Poe. I don’t know how someone like you earned the obedience and loyalty of someone like Poe, but...”

”But what, Ben?”

Kylo winced at the name. Somehow, it only fueled his anger. “He’s too good for you. He always was. I wanted to say that if you ever threaten him again, if you ever hit him, humiliate him, abuse him, or anything else in your arsenal again...you’ll have me to answer to.” A beat. “I wouldn’t hurt you. The only reason I didn’t shoot you on the Raddus was because I thought you still believed in me —  like my father did, even though you don’t anymore. And I needed someone to believe in me, before you rejected me. But contrary to what you believe, Senator Organa,” and here he swore that it was her turn to wince, “I do care for Poe. And he is here because he chooses to be, because I don’t use him as a replacement, or whatever role he fits at the moment. He’s my partner...and I would kill the galaxy all over again to preserve him.”

Leia actually looked taken aback. She clearly hadn’t expected that.

“The only humiliation he has from now on,” Kylo said evenly, “Is on his terms.”

He ended the call, pressing down so hard on the button to hang up that he almost scared himself. He could have listened to what his mother had to say — but he supposed that would get the point across fine. He’d have to set things up for Poe’s session as well. He set up his apartment not to receive calls, set up different sheets, pillows and more...and discuss things with Poe. 

He messaged Poe next. //I talked with my mother. Hopefully she’ll actually learn from her mistakes.//

Poe’s response was immediate. //You didn’t have to do that for me.//

//I know. I told her that if she hurts you again, I’ll be there.//

//Next time, let me do it.// A beat. //How are things?//

//I set the apartment up. Is there anything you want and don’t want me to say and do?//

They continued back and forth, discussing the parameters of the scene and agreeing to use their safeword when necessary. Poe had to go, but Kylo could say this was transforming into a productive evening. 

***

It was entering Kylo’s apartment that Poe noticed that Kylo had made it up — black silk, black everything. Kylo was clad in leather again, and Poe shouldn’t have been in awe watching him, but there he was. 

“Sit,” Kylo said. “On the floor, at my feet.”

Poe sat. Kylo stood over him, practically magnificent. Poe couldn’t help but feel a strange thrill being like this on the floor, at his lover’s feet, but it wasn’t about thrills. Just catharsis. Even if Kylo looked majestic in black leather. 

“You know why you’re here,” Kylo said. 

“Yes.”

”You disobeyed the General,” Kylo said. “You disobeyed a crucial order — and continued to do so.”

”Yes.” Poe’s voice cracked.

”It distresses you, doesn’t it?” And Kylo looked down at him, clearly concerned. It was clear that he was worried about whether or not they should use the safeword. 

“Yes. Please,” Poe said. “Keep going.” He looked up at Kylo, nodded. He could keep going. Poe could take it. 

“You’re reckless. Foolish. Undisciplined, unruly.” Poe could almost feel the old Supreme Leader coming out, what Rey had described on the Supremacy. Even if it was more controlled.  

“Yes,” Poe said, voice cracking. “Yes.”

”Not to mention cold.”

”Yes to that, too.” Already, he could feel the shame (mingling with arousal at being at Kylo’s feet) mingling in his lower belly. 

“If all of this was true,” Kylo said, voice softening, “Would I have chosen you in the first place? Do you think me a fool?”

Poe was quiet. Truthfully, he didn’t know what Kylo was thinking, choosing him. 

“Look me in the eye when I speak to you.”

Poe did. There was no anger in Kylo’s eyes. Maybe a bit of sternness, but no anger. The way he looked — it was pure gentleness. There was none of that almost overwhelming worship there — this man was dominant, and Poe could feel it. He was giving Poe what he needed, here and now. 

Kylo ran a hand over Poe’s jaw, and Poe couldn’t help but be comforted despite the truly submissive position he was in, sitting at Kylo’s feet, and what they were doing. 

“Well, Poe?” Kylo said. “Do you think I’m a fool?”

Poe wet his lips. “No,” he said. “You’re beautiful, and powerful, and strong. Especially the man you’ve become.” Stars, why would a former Knight of Ren choose a pilot like him? With his passion, his power, his heroic qualities he barely acknowledged, anyone would fall at his knees, wanting him. Why — ?

“I know...you wouldn’t do anything again to hurt me,” Poe said. “Not without my consent. You...you never punish me in spite or anger. Only for our mutual benefit — and our mutual pleasure.” He swallowed. “To be in your presence...I don’t know if I’m worthy.”

“And yet here you are. Doesn’t that say something?”

Silence. 

“Go on,” Kylo said. “Say it.”

Poe took a deep breath. “I’m not a monster,” he said. And he supposed he should have known that all along. “I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I’m worthy.”

”Exactly.” Kylo said. “And just because my mother slapped and humiliated you without your consent in front of others...does that define who you are, or your worth?” 

Gently, Poe said, “No.”

”You’re learning. You’re doing so well, Poe." A beat. “Does it make you weak, humiliated by a bitter, petty, unprofessional person who never should have led a Resistance if she treated you this way? To say nothing of how she likely treated others.”

”No.” 

“Good soldier.” Kylo’s hand stroked Poe’s cheek. “I was humiliated by Snoke. Not consensually. Verbally abused, disregarded, shocked with lightning — why do you think I don’t like electric play? There are things I am at fault for — but Snoke’s cruelty is not one of them. Are you at fault for my mother’s cruelty?”

”No,” Poe said. 

“You’re such a good pupil,” Kylo murmured. “And now — now we’re going to make sure the lesson sticks. Your praise, if you will. You may rise.”

Poe got up. Which was good considering his feet were falling asleep. 

“Strip.”

Poe did. Kylo followed, and in the presence of that powerful form and presence...stars did Poe feel worthy. 

“I can’t believe you’re mine,” Poe said. 

“I am,” Kylo said. “Completely. Come here.”

Poe did. 

“Take my waist.”

Poe did. 

“Would you grind against me until we both come?”

”Oh,” Poe murmured, “Oh, yes!”

”Grind for me. Let go.”

Poe did, their cocks bumping and grinding together even as they gasped and moaned. Kylo kissed him, again and again, and murmured about how beautiful he was, what a good, kind person and how loving. Poe ground, and stars, he couldn’t deserve this...

It was pleasure, that was all. It wasn’t just pleasure. It was nothing and everything, as they rubbed and ground and groaned. It was just the build-up to an orgasm. It was affection and adoration as Kylo peppered his face and lips with kisses. It was —

Poe nearly fell to his knees as he came, splattering Kylo’s belly. Kylo followed, after grinding against Poe’s belly and moaning. Poe collapsed in Kylo’s arms, the both of them sticky, and stars, Poe didn’t realize how exhausted he was. 

“Stars,” Poe said. “Thank you, Kylo. Thank you.”

”Anything.” Kylo nuzzled him. “I think we need a bath. That was quite the session. I think...I may have to thank Rey for telling me.”

”Yeah.” Poe wished it had come out in a different way, but at least some of his feelings of unworthiness had subsided. 

The bath was warm and comforting, even as Kylo washed the semen from Poe, non-erotically. The presence of his Dom in the tub with him was just the missing piece of the puzzle. 

“I actually realized something. During the scene.” Poe swallowed as he spoke. “I actually liked it. Sitting at your feet while...all this happened. I was wondering if we could roleplay something with me...on my knees.”

Kylo actually looked amazed. Then, “Poe, are you sure?”

”Very.”

The former Supreme Leader beamed, a practically irrepressible smile that made him, in Poe’s opinion, even more beautiful. “Just when I think that this can’t get any more surprising,” he said. 

“It’s strange. I didn’t think that you’d help me, but the more we do this...the more that I’m getting the poison out.”

”As far as I read, kink can do that.” Kylo kissed Poe’s forehead. “I want to do more than just healing you, Poe. You’re more than just your wounds and scars.”

”What do you want to do?” Poe said. 

“Roleplaying, of course. But also...doing things that other couples do. Watching a holo. Going on dates. Watching the stars. I don’t just want to be your healer and teacher. I want...all of you.” A beat. “And maybe sex in the shower could work. Morning sex too.”

Poe’s lips twitched, and he couldn’t help but splash Kylo with water. “Insatiable,” he joked. 

“Brat.” But Kylo’s voice was affectionate as he spoke. 

Poe laughed — perhaps the first genuine laugh he’d had that day. It felt good. He wasn’t hurting everywhere anymore. He was _fine_. “Guilty as charged. I like nearly seeing you laugh.”

Kylo smiled. “I’ll do it more often, for you then.”

They washed off and dried their bodies. “I’ll think of something regarding what you brought up,” Kylo said. “For now — I think we’ve earned the right to relax.”

Poe agreed.

He still didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky, he really didn’t.  

 


	9. Meadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A session goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Knight_Of_Cookies suggested a scene along these lines. Hopefully I did it justice.

_Meadow._

It had been such a simple word, yet enough to jar Kylo out of their play and make him realize what was going on. And then the horrible realization that he had hurt Poe. Beyond their limits. Both their limits. He’d hurt the man he loved. 

They were good as back on the Finalizer again. 

And lying in bed, Kylo knew there was no way that Poe would still agree to share his bed with him after what he’d done...

”Kylo.”

A gentler stirring. More of a gentle lilt in Poe’s voice, instead of a cry of desperation. 

“Are you mad at me?” Poe said. 

“Mad?” Kylo laughed despite himself. “I’m glad you did. It’s necessary, but...I feel I hurt you. Irredeemably so.”

”You’re not irredeemable.”

A beat.

”I wasn’t the only one who needed to take a break,” Poe said. “You did too. It was like you were about to collapse.”

Kylo couldn’t deny it. He had felt it during their latest attempt at impact play. Like he was about to shatter at any moment if he were touched wrong. 

”Talk to me,” Poe finally said, and there was something about it that was enough to stir Kylo out of that black pit that he was in, if only for a moment. “What’s going on? You can talk to me. You can trust me.”

Kylo paused. How was he going to even explain any of this? He supposed that he should start with the obvious. “You had to safeword, and it’s my fault.”

”No,” Poe said. “If we didn’t have safewords, there’d be a problem. And I’m glad you didn’t ignore it. You stopped, and you checked in on me. You were good.”

”But I hurt you.”

”There was no way you could have known.”

”But I’m not supposed to hurt you.” Stars, Kylo could already feel the tension, the guilt, almost electric in his body. “It doesn’t matter. Your needs come first — ”

”No.” Poe’s voice was firm. “You’ve been neglecting yourself too long, Kylo.”

”I — ”

”Do you love me?”

Kylo nodded. 

“Then talk to me. Tell me everything you’re neglecting, and don’t hold back.”

Kylo did. He did, and there was something about the sheer pit of unworthiness in his belly that alleviated, for the moment even as he spoke to Poe. He spoke of Snoke. He spoke of how even his own mother found him unworthy. He spoke of his uncle’s emotional abuse, he spoke of everything. He let Poe stroke his hand, and he almost wanted to weep openly talking of it. 

Finally, Poe spoke. “Kylo,” he said. “That’s...if you pardon my Huttese, that’s very kriffed up.”

”I know.”

”Honestly, having that festering so long in you...no longer you’ve been holding back at times.”

”I’m scared for you. Like I’ve always been.”

”I know. You don’t need to be.” Poe kissed his hand. He then leaned in and brushed his lips across the long line of the scar Rey had given him on Starkiller. 

Kylo swallowed, the moment almost uncomfortably sweet. The fact that Poe was so devoted to him, so tender, even after what happened...

”Thank you, Poe,” he said. “Your turn...tell me what happened. I want to know why.”

Poe swallowed. “I guess I wasn’t prepared for the cane. I thought I could take it, but...there was this droid used on me when...”

Poe didn’t need to finish the sentence. Sometimes Kylo wondered how Poe could stand to let him touch him. 

“This was my fault,” he said. “I wanted you safe and happy, not...this.”

”It’s all right. Not everyone likes the cane, I guess. We can try something else.”

”Still...” To think that he had contributed to breaking Poe like that, where there was always a new memory to discover...

”I love you, Kylo. I still do. No matter what. Nothing you can say can change that. You’re mine, and I’m yours. Completely.”

”Yes.” Kylo still couldn’t help but be moved by this beautiful, amazing man next to him, who saw things in others they didn’t know existed. “Yours.”

The bed was warm, and so was Poe. They’d have to sleep, of course, but Kylo could only hope that they never had to do it again. 


	10. Weightless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this moment of weightlessness, Poe is far from alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Another one of knight_of_cookies’ suggestions. Hope to include it in the story proper!

“Do you trust me?”

That was what Kylo said, even as he held out the largest scarf he had, in order to blindfold Poe. Poe could already tell that he was nervous, of course — considering the sheer extent of what they were planning on doing, really, of course Kylo was going to be nervous. 

He couldn’t say he liked it, though, when Kylo got nervous. Of course he trusted Kylo in that moment; he only wanted Kylo to be more confident in himself. 

So Poe nodded, slowly. Kylo smiled, placed his lips against Poe’s forehead before saying, “Lie down.”

Poe did. Even as Kylo tied the scarf around his eyes, then the smaller scarves around his wrists and ankles, Poe trusted him. Completely. He had to admit, in the future, he could see how this could play out with a whole number of scenarios. Maybe next time, he thought. Next time...

”I’ll be in the room if you need me,” Kylo promised him. Poe felt lips press against his forehead again, just above the scarf-blindfold, and he knew that he trusted Kylo. 

Did he? Not that Kylo was abusive. Far from it. He’d never been careless, either; if anything, he was too careful. And yet...

Kylo paused. “Do you want me to untie you, dear heart?” He said. “I can, if you want me to.”

”No. I’m fine. Safeword, remember?”

”Yes.” 

In his blindfolded, tied-up state, Poe was all but hypersensitive to everything. The slight creak of a chair as Kylo sat down. The booting up of a datapad. And most of all, the silence between them; Poe couldn’t help but feel almost light, not like he was in suspension bondage, but like he was spread apart, floating in some sort of abyss, beyond time, beyond comprehension. 

A bit of a surreal feeling for just being bound and blindfolded on a bed, but the emptiness was all but fitting in a way. He couldn’t help but wonder what Kylo was doing, where he was. It was odd, having himself worry when he had no issue going off to work before...

Was it easier? Leaving than being left? 

Poe has never thought of it that way before. Funny the things that came to mind. He was practically floating, floating in blackness, and he wondered absently if that was what being in space was like. What the General had felt like before she — before she’d flown. Only he was safe. Safe, and protected. It was all but like he was processing all of this without the suffocating cold of space. 

How many minutes had it been? Kylo had said he’d leave him there for only a while, but stars. The feeling of being alone with his thoughts...it was scary, yet bizarrely peaceful. He couldn’t say he had actually been alone with the processes of his brain before. He was small, yet big. He was part of the universe, yet not. He was...

Footsteps. Slow, yet there nonetheless. Poe felt his wrists being untied, and then the scarf around his eyes. He blinked, trying to take the light back in, and then he looked up at Kylo. 

“Are you okay?” Kylo said. 

“Yes. You didn’t hurt me, Kylo. I’m fine.” 

“You’re certain about this?”

”I am.”

”Good.” Kylo kissed his lips, then his eyelids. “I’m glad, dear heart.”

They settled down in bed together. Poe turned to look at him. “It’s interesting seeing an activity like this that doesn’t involve sex.”

”I can imagine there are quite a few,” Kylo said. 

“It was a little scary, but it was also pretty peaceful.” Poe took a deep breath. “Like I was floating in space.”

”Interesting way of putting it.” Kylo nuzzled up to him. “I didn’t think of it that way.”

They lay together, and Poe knew that in this strange, floating sensation, at least he had someone to share it with. 


End file.
